Funhouse Mirrors + Creative Candy

Digital/pen drawing 4/19/2026

It's not uncommon for me to have something of a personal crisis when I get a glimpse into the disparity between how other people see me and how I see myself. It triggers some monsters that have been in my closet since I was a kid, misunderstanding casting a long shadow on my wall, eclipsed only by the larger looming threat of embarrassment. 

I was a self-proclaimed "weird kid" from a young age, a title I embraced as a form of armor preemptively shielding me from outside judgment. As I got older, I embraced the title of "bitch" for the same reason. These things were not bold statements of self-acceptance. It was more like a dunce cap than a badge of honor. 

Mourning my Restlessness

Baby restless Celina (2014)

I was a restless and sensitive kid. Of course, looking back, I know that it was partially my ADHD, which wasn't diagnosed till I was 15, and that I wasn't medicated for till I was 18. But more than that, it was the trapped potential energy of growing up in a suburb when the larger world was so exciting and full of novelty and adventure, but lay just out of reach. I remember coming out of movie theaters or concerts feeling like a profoundly changed person from the experience. I used to stay up late into the night painting and writing and singing, lighting things on fire and playing guitar til my fingers bled, getting lost in different fantasies. I remember the restlessness feeling like torture. It was lightning in a bottle, but I was the bottle, getting shocked by it constantly. I never had a clear idea of what I wanted to be when I grew up, I just knew that I wanted to experience the world, as much of it as I could. 

In high school, for a brief moment I planned to do an exchange program somewhere in China, probably because it was as far away as I thought I could possibly get. I fantasized about disappearing, reinventing myself, and never again feeling tied down by my small town and family and school. And I opened myself up, the rough and vulnerable parts, freely to anyone who would listen. It was like my chest was cracked open, and my heart was exposed to the air. Everything stung, but it felt like the only way that I could be, like it was the only way to experience life in all the ways that I needed to. I fucked things up, I was bad at things, I practiced til I got it right, I made messes, and I was myself unapologetically. I did all of those things publicly.

ON WRITING FOR ME (OR FOR YOU)

Little Celina 'Writing' at age 2

Hello.

    The hardest part of writing for me has never been the process. Not the editing, or the structure, or even the act of putting feelings into words. The part of writing that makes my fingertips go numb and my hands go shaky is what comes after I put down the pen. I am overwhelmingly terrified of putting my work out into the public for people to read and judge. 

BIRTHDAY WEEK IN ROCHESTER NY (DAYS 4 AND 5)

 Hello!

After my birthday, we had a couple days left in Rochester to take it easy and explore new locations. 

The first stop on our 4th day in New York was Artisanworks, an event space and art gallery inside of a warehouse in Rochester. We got coffee first, at a big cold empty shop in the same building that only had hot espresso drinks (in the 90 degree heat). 

Walking into Artisanworks, I immediately fell in love with the maximalist eclectic vintage feel of the space. With high ceilings, bright walls and colored lights, the space was absolutely packed with beautiful art and vintage items. 

BIRTHDAY ON THE ST LAWRENCE RIVER

 Hello!

I was so excited to spend my 20th birthday out in the world. It had been so long since I had traveled beyond just going back and forth from school and it really gave me new life.

    On the day of my birthday, we drove out to Alexandria Bay, New York to visit the thousand islands and the castles that live on them. We left really early and stopped to get coffee, and the lovely baristas made me smile by giving me a free drink and wishing me a happy birthday. When we got to the bay we boarded our ferry, which took us on a boat tour down the beautiful St Lawrence River past many historic islands, eventually dropping us off at Singer Castle on Dark Island. 

BIRTHDAY WEEK IN ROCHESTER NY (DAYS 1 AND 2)

 

Hello!

I wanted to share some pics and stories from the first couple days of the trip that I took to New York State with my lovely boyfriend and his mother. My boyfriend and his family are from Rochester, so they try to get up to visit as much as they can. 

Rochester is an unlikely vacation destination, (as my boyfriend's mom likes to joke, 'no one vacations in Rochester on purpose') but I've grown to really love this off-beat city nestled on the Genesee river. There is a lot of natural beauty in the state parks and lake-beaches in the surrounding area, and a lot of character in the different neighborhoods and in the people who reside in them. 

THE STORY BEHIND THE NAME "CASTLE CARRA"

Me at Hearst Castle, 2019

Hello!

When I started this blog in 2019, I was in my senior year of high school. I had been accepted to attend Temple University in the fall, and was planning a cross-country road trip for the upcoming summer. I had the arrogance and ambition that only an overly-romantic 18 year old coming off of a mental breakdown could possess. 

ON GROWING UP (SO FAR)

Me in 2008

Hello! 

I used to think that the epitome of 'growing up' was leaving everything behind— Moving onto bigger and better things in bigger and better places, and adamantly denying that you could ever be reduced to a box as small as where you came from. That's how I functioned for my first year of college, as a product of a person, far removed from the factors that made me who I was. As well as I did socially and academically that first year, I found myself confused when it came to my values and self concept. When I tried to fulfill my commitment to myself and change for the better, I didn't know where to start.

ON FLOOR NINE

   My freshman year of high school my friends and I had a tendency of galavanting around downtown Raleigh. We explored intently and found treasures in iced coffee and thrifted sweaters; eager to be a part of what we perceived to be a big city.

ON WRITER'S BLOCK

CW: Cathartic oversharing and mentions of mental illness and self destructive behavior